Cousin O
(NB I include this subject as neither remotely a beautiful or simple thing, but because this site started as an antidote to it.)
I look upon OCD as an unwelcome relative, that being part of the family you can’t easily just get shot of.
Hence Cousin O.
Medically, like the depression family, OCD is a mental incapacitant and represents itself as continuous intrusive, obsessive thoughts that utterly compel you to carry out certain actions or you cannot move on with your day.
Cousin O sits on my shoulder 24/7, 365, saying stuff like:
‘That file on your desk isn’t at perfect right angles…straighten it!’
‘No.’
‘Straighten it!’
‘No Cousin O, I’m busy…’
‘Straighten it gotdammit – or I’ll unleash the fires of hell!!!’
‘Oh, well why didn’t you say?…Okay.’…(Sigh).
Once that’s done she says,
‘There’s an eyelash on the floor…move it!’
OCD can be a moderate disruption or extremely debilitating, taking on many forms, not just repetitive tidying, straightening or cleaning. It could be counting things, checking and re checking things. Touching things, hoarding things, avoiding things. Not to mention the total mental paralysis of indecision that can leave you stuck for days, weeks, months… (There I mentioned it!)
The problem comes when it all disrupts one’s life to unacceptable levels.
It is a collection of heavy insecurities, paranoiac tendencies and non stop anxieties about things that most people take in their stride, coupled with multiple illogical phobias and time consuming repetitive rituals that we poor mutants cannot control. You can rest assured that nearly every post on this site is of course born with the usual insecure doubts of any writer…multiplied by one thousand paper cuts of anxiety!
Days or weeks of wretchedly agonizing over one largely insignificant word change…Finally hitting that submit button and then taking it down again because of another suspect word…hooo weeee! Cousin can be relentless. Emotionally and mentally exhausting!
But that’s the OCD brain. It is thought to originate from trauma and shares some behaviour similarities with autism.
At it’s mildest it is a very tidy house.
At it’s worst it is housebound with no visitors. Friendships and family ties are broken because of people misunderstanding the condition or mistaking your actions for coldness, or rudeness, or being just plain crazy!
Me? Mine isn’t that kooky ‘Showbiz OCD’ - you know, ‘I put all my tins in alphabetical order! I’m just nuts me!’
Mine is of the ilk that stunts progress. Clinical OCD. Diagnosis: maximum strength! The type that wastes your precious life hours and kills work opportunities, interaction, friendships and hope…sometimes.
And personally speaking…every now and then…I miss darn simple hugs…
She’s an isolating, jealous little tyke is Cousin O!
If you know someone with disruptive, inconvenient, time wasting, incomprehensible, chronic OCD, please just bear in mind that we didn’t request to have OCD and we really can’t help it so don’t take our activities personally! In this case it really is us and not you! If you have OCD and need some moral support I’m here for you, but please take into consideration that I get a lot of mail.
